Dad’s most expensive Christmas list ever

Dear Kids,

Mom says that I have to prepare a Christmas list. This despite the fact that I am at a point in my life where I can buy myself whatever stuff I want whenever I want it. I own two homes and both of them are filled with stuff. But I have to write a list, so here you go. Be warned, this is going to be the most challenging Christmas gift list you have ever received. And I really, really, REALLY want everything on the list. If you love me, then get me the following:

1. Invite Mom & I over for dinner.
2. Call me up for no reason whatsoever.
3. Invite me to play golf (you too, ladies), and don’t complain when I pay.
4. Ask me to go for a walk with you.
5. Ask me (not Mom!) to watch your children or your pets.
6. Write me a note.
7. Tell me that you need someone to go on a bike ride with you and lay on the guilt until I say yes.

How are we doing so far? Have I broken the bank? Well, hang on, because the next part of the list is REALLY pricey.

8. Guys, get in the habit of holding doors for your wife.
9. Ladies, find something to compliment your husband on every day.
10. The next time you and your spouse get into an argument, race to be the first one to say, “I was really stupid. I’m sorry.” (The words are not optional.)
11. Do something totally-random and nice for someone you don’t know and will never meet again.
12. Recall the meanest, most thoughtless thing I ever did to you and please accept my apology for it.
13. Do step number 12 on yourself, and then go apologize to the person you hurt most.

Worn you out yet? (This will teach you not to ask me for a Christmas list.) Okay, here come the toughest ones. But these are the gifts that mean the most to me.

13. Pick up a Bible and read a chapter; any chapter. Then think about it.
14. Go to church, whichever church is yours, and ask God to help your Dad with his many weaknesses.
15. Make a copy of this list, write on the bottom of it, “Merry Christmas, Dad. I love you,” and give it to me for Christmas.

With love,
Dad

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